haizzzzzzzz

supposed to be quite a gd day
why i end up crying again?
so no surprise de
i very irritated at myself sia
everything also cry
so useless
very dumb eh
cry what cry la
everything also cry
water very precious de leh.........
zzzzzzzzzzz

but seriously............zzzzzz
so tired.
i feel damn tired.
when i was studying in sku
i was happy
i willingly studied
happily
rly studied.
did my notes
although slow
but i did it
and i did it willingly
everything was great
i seldom studied so relaxed.
it was great.
it helps being relaxed and happy
i realise tt's what keeps me going.
the only way to study is being stress-free.
really.

coz just now my mum come ask me those
then she saw me watch show
come complain again
i rly felt so upset.
so tired.
mentally.
so i paused the show.
called her name slowly
turned to her
and said in an exasperated/tired tone
tell her.
u know, i studied for 3+ hours just now eh
and it's just after exams eh
MUST U DO THIS TO ME???

i scared i lose the mood to study eh
tt MUST NOT happen
but i scared......
coz she's giving me stress again
i very scared.
argh :(
:'(
i hate the feeling.
stress.
rly.
it's rly killing me sometimes.
and she didnt even have to say much

to me
the only way i can study well
is when I myself WANT to study
whenever they start pushing me
start pressing
and scolding me
i cant do it anymore
it's always like tt
since young.
but they just nvr get it........
:'(

rly feel like telling them
不要这样，不要再管我的学业，
我宁愿自己读，自己逼自己，
我还有朋友的帮助，
你们逼我只会让我更读不下去，很累。
这会弄巧反拙而已。。。够了。。。