updates ^^

he asked me to be his wor
haha but i avoided it somehow...again
but he calls me dear.
and he is still as usual all the muacks~
of coz i return the muacks la..
so the prob is...what are we? haha
i honestly have no idea
nvm la...although it's not very gd to remain lyk tt
but...then..but then..
if with him i muz prepare myself
for the day when he found someone new
or get sick of me leh...
tt's quite...lols so eh...i dun rly wan haha

anyway...forget abt tt.
juz now talked to shuting on the phone for damn long
till dad keep scolding me.
he's in a bad mood recently again
very very irritating...
well shuting n me talked abt quite some stuff
mostly gossips la.
but then not tt type lyk...say abt others ba?
hmm hav la but not very...gossipy haha
juz analysing i guess?
and she heard a lot gossips from others b4
so i ask her tell me lor xD
got about me de...

haiz...well...
it's no surprise AT ALL leh..
usual stuff ^^
since pri sku already lyk tt le
so ehh im not happy abt it of coz
but not rly sad or angry ba...
mainly two things la
1) ms chan's lessons...
shuting say she used to find me irritating for this too
but...why~~~im lyk tt de ma...
what's wrong with shouting answers to teacher's question
and asking her questions?
but coz ms chan always say stuff lyk
me n char are her fav students etc ar...
im even more hated -.-
but well i know abt this de la~
zzz now i dun do tt le...not much le la anyway...

2) they say i complain abt tests/exams being difficult
or that my results are bad even though i scored better than them
la~~~~wth la~
to them it might be gd
but I FIND IT BAD.
REALLY BAD.
what's wrong with that.
someone tell me.
some ppl might say i shld not hav said so loudly...
but MY VOICE IS VERY LOUD DE MA~~
what u wan me do..
tok to frens also need whisper wor?
so totally no freedom wor?
haiz...

why ppl actually go waste time n effort to hate ppl?
i dun tend to hate ppl...
maybe i used to. but now i dun.
but i used to sociable.
now im not. totally not.
i feel anti social actually haha
haiya...dunno la...time does change ppl doesnt it? ^^
well...the only thing i can do is overlook these
and continue as usual lo.

sometimes i really wan tell them ar
if they got anything they dun lyk abt me
plz tell me rigt straight to my face
not behind my back.
not because i dun lyk ppl to gossip abt me
it's juz tt
I WAN TO KNOW!
i wan to know what ppl think of me. and why.
i wan to know who dislike me. and why.
i wan to know who finds me irritating. and why.
if possible. i would change. i rly would...i had..
i had changed lor...
but i prefer last time de me...
more sociable etc...
because pri 5 n 6 that time
most of the classmates dun lyk me
so well i become less n less sociable
and then i only stick to my clique
anyone outside of my clique....well..
i dunno them well
seldom tok to them...

anti social huh?
whateva la...

haiz

feel lyk telling him i miss him but...

cant bear it de..

i dunno la
but i dun think i cant bear him leaving yet...

coz heart is sorta empty...
lonely...
so i dun wanna let him go...yet
but tt's irresponsible and...very bad leh..
coz it's him so it's very bad lols
any rlship wont be normal wif him lo haha

juz now ask him what am i
he say ai ren lols
then i was lyk...when did i agree to tt...
but i didnt reject him directly...
aiya so is didnt rly reject la...
but i didnt agree either laaaaaaaa
dilemma
it's something tt wont last...
i hate it. i hate knowing tt it'll not last.
tt's y i dun wan to start...coz i know it wont last...
so why start rite?
but then...how leh
well currently still ok la
juz hope nth much happened le la

juz cant bear it when he ignores me..
even for a while...always worrying when he will be sick of me...
only 5th day since i know him leh..
and im already so affected by him already...how?
keep thinking of him wor haha
but well tt's coz as i said...i hav no one to think of le ma..
empty.
so once he entered my life...
juz as a fren...
somehow even though i know he's not tt nice but...
well he's not chased away la haha

now nth la so erm...see how it goes ba...^^

Another one...

A lot of online friends le sia
a bit...luan xP
no la as in sometimes tok to 1
then forgot tok to the other 1
haha but then tt's not the pt...

andrew goh.
21.
currently in NS.
coming out in april 2010.
1st toked to me on sunday, 30 aug.
1st day only already flirted -.-

the thing is i know he's not tt type of...
gd guy haha. as in all he think abt is...well...sth la.
but then i dun wan ignore him.
dun wan him ignore me either.
thing is I KNOW that he's not someone i should mix wif much
im not dumb la. im not some innocent dumb kid xP
juz tt. it doesnt rly help. xP
i wont so anything stupid juz tt...
juz wan something normal...
but looks lyk it's impossible de la.
since it's impossible...i rly shldnt go further ba?
lols how? dunno
think he wil get bored and find someone else soon anyway xD
so erm i'll wait for tt. actually although only 4th day
i think he already quite sianz xP

im always such a boring person.
sianz.
with who also lyk tt.
today go lunchw if jos.
she suddenly nth to tok today
weird haha.
but i also nth to say
juz tt it's usual.
i always nth to say de la no matter wif hu...
dunno y..
juz hear them say only
i dun say anything...
things lyk THIS ar i cant tell anybody.
so well write here lo.
no choice...bo bian.. xP

haiya i feel lyk im exaggerating things leh actually...
coz i dun think anything would happen la...
juz tt i scared...scared sink too deep
haven la but erm juz a LITTLE bit worried xP
haha...
and coz we're juz frens ma...
so he keep saying stuff ar it's a bit weird
since im not his gf what...
(i dun think i should be anyway)
but then i dun show much distaste to it when he says de.
if not scared he rly angry or sianz then dun tok to me le ma..
but then...
cant tok lyk normal de meh
~~~~~~~~~
seems lyk he cant...
anyway lyk tt lo...see how everything goes ba~