CANT I HAVE MORE INITIATIVE??
WHY DO I LACK SOCIAL SKILLS SO MUCH?!?!?!!?
haiz~
I dun wan lose another fren leh
he's nice to tok to at least most of the time
but after ytd hor
dun think he still wan tok to me la
screwed up
ruined it
blew it
wadeva la
i still hav other frens =)
tt's at least, a relief :)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
results
Well
im honestly regretting slacking so much
but wad to do
im a slacker thorough slacker
get so lousy results still slacking
EOY:
bio: 52
english: not sure yet but is C5 or C6 de
hcl: 69
chem: 70
physics: 72
emaths: 72.5
combined humanities: 79
amaths: 93+
L1R5: 11
yupps tt's from lowestm to highest
lowest and highest so far apart lols
my bio seriously...zzz
overall:
el: B4
bio:B3
Physics: A2
hcl: A2
chem: A1
Emaths: A1
Amaths: A1
combined humans: A1
L1R5: 8
well l1r5 looks quite nice
but percentage horrible la
about 72+ i think
disappointed coz eoy lousy
overall not too bad coz of mye and ca1 and ca2
but position how?
DROP DROP DROP
sianz wad did i do sia
oh right i didnt do anything
tt's the problem
not enough studying
will i be able to spur myself on from now?
like in the next exam?
i hope so...coz i rly wan to do better
i noe if i study it will be better de
but i did not...at least not enough
haiz
and these few days very down on my luck
knocked head on monday
caught for gambling on tues
scolded for gambling till i cried on wed
got back horrible results on thurs
got hit by a chair thx to janus on fri
wad else?
im honestly regretting slacking so much
but wad to do
im a slacker thorough slacker
get so lousy results still slacking
EOY:
bio: 52
english: not sure yet but is C5 or C6 de
hcl: 69
chem: 70
physics: 72
emaths: 72.5
combined humanities: 79
amaths: 93+
L1R5: 11
yupps tt's from lowestm to highest
lowest and highest so far apart lols
my bio seriously...zzz
overall:
el: B4
bio:B3
Physics: A2
hcl: A2
chem: A1
Emaths: A1
Amaths: A1
combined humans: A1
L1R5: 8
well l1r5 looks quite nice
but percentage horrible la
about 72+ i think
disappointed coz eoy lousy
overall not too bad coz of mye and ca1 and ca2
but position how?
DROP DROP DROP
sianz wad did i do sia
oh right i didnt do anything
tt's the problem
not enough studying
will i be able to spur myself on from now?
like in the next exam?
i hope so...coz i rly wan to do better
i noe if i study it will be better de
but i did not...at least not enough
haiz
and these few days very down on my luck
knocked head on monday
caught for gambling on tues
scolded for gambling till i cried on wed
got back horrible results on thurs
got hit by a chair thx to janus on fri
wad else?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
still de same...
My mum is still in that horrible mood can u believe it?
zzz
actually
in fact
she's getting worse
keep getting angry at nth la
everytime i gd mood then she has to come and spoil it
not easy for me to be in gd mood at home de leh!
and she just has to spoil it
haiz
char and meixuan are rather close now
im still jealous
and upset
not bcoz she doesnt treat me lyk a best fren lyk i do
is coz im losing my only best fren
and im juz upset for myself...
(did i mention here b4?)
she's my only best fren in class
but well she is one to me
and im not one to her
it makes me feel unwanted
i dun hav a sense of belonging at home
and now im losing that sense in 3J
one day i will lose that sense to the world
horrible...isnt it
getting too emo is horrible
music cheers me up ^^ as usual
now listening to the playlists for newmoon le
finished twilight de!
^^
anyone interested can go
www.stepheniemeyer.com
and go find the playlists to the books ^^
zzz
actually
in fact
she's getting worse
keep getting angry at nth la
everytime i gd mood then she has to come and spoil it
not easy for me to be in gd mood at home de leh!
and she just has to spoil it
haiz
char and meixuan are rather close now
im still jealous
and upset
not bcoz she doesnt treat me lyk a best fren lyk i do
is coz im losing my only best fren
and im juz upset for myself...
(did i mention here b4?)
she's my only best fren in class
but well she is one to me
and im not one to her
it makes me feel unwanted
i dun hav a sense of belonging at home
and now im losing that sense in 3J
one day i will lose that sense to the world
horrible...isnt it
getting too emo is horrible
music cheers me up ^^ as usual
now listening to the playlists for newmoon le
finished twilight de!
^^
anyone interested can go
www.stepheniemeyer.com
and go find the playlists to the books ^^
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
haiz
my mum always so bad mood de...
ytd went wedding dinner then come home le
she talking to my aunt ma then she toktoktok and then she say my leg very big (dun laugh!)
lols anyway the pt is i dun wanna hear her tok abt tt AGAIN
so i walked away
then she say "see la so fast angry agn le!"
but i wasnt angry
I REALLY WASNT ANGRY
i rly wasnt
rly wasnt...
then SHE bad mood le! haiz
i dun get it la
shldnt i be the one upset? why become she angry?
and why is she angry in the first place?
she keep saying my bad pts to others de lor!
summore say in frnt of me?
can't she think more of my feelings?
and the worst thing is
i am NEVER allowed to hav my own emotions
or at least not supposed to express them at all with them arnd
haiz...
everytime i get irritated with their nagging
im not rly angry or wad just...u cant expect me to smile still rite
then they will scold me for getting 'angry'
they always lyk tt de
i cannot be upset wor?
i also hav sad times de ma and angry times la
they both got bad tempers de and SO DO I
but they can get angry whenever they wan and keep nag and scold
I CANNOT EVEN EXPRESS IT
LIFE IS TOTALLY UNFAIR
whr did the saying of making frens with ur children/parents come from?
they whole day use their authority of parents de~
T.T
then now hav to tolerate my mum's temper agn while i cannot
CANNOT (muz remind myself)
flare up
if not things will get worse
im always the one tolerating
why?? T.T haiz no choice la~
aiya dun wan say them le...
ytd went wedding dinner then it was special sia!!
b4 the waitors came in, they played 'accidentally in love'!!
then the waitors and waitresses hooked arms and 'danced' in!! so cool!!
lols it was cute and quite fun to see haha
then after that the bridesgroom had to read a 'love letter' to the bride!!! (sabo-ed by frens)
then he further sabo-ed by everyone and had to kneel down while reading haha
then after that the emcee tell us to keep clapping
while we clap, the couple gonna french kiss!
the longer we clap the longer they kiss! haha it was quite funny
they stopped b4 we did obviously coz cant not enuf breath haha
it was unique sia very special ^^
then the bride looked rly rly blessed and happy ytd
it make me rly...i dunno how to say
just tot abt myself haha =P (no laughing)
i was thinking will i ever be there one day
will anyone even lyk me lor...
lols a bit childish? lame? anyway no laughing
coz she looked rly happy so these just popped up ma =P
it was rl nice to see them get married!
the day will come to everyone rite? ^^
hehe long way to go~haha
ytd went wedding dinner then come home le
she talking to my aunt ma then she toktoktok and then she say my leg very big (dun laugh!)
lols anyway the pt is i dun wanna hear her tok abt tt AGAIN
so i walked away
then she say "see la so fast angry agn le!"
but i wasnt angry
I REALLY WASNT ANGRY
i rly wasnt
rly wasnt...
then SHE bad mood le! haiz
i dun get it la
shldnt i be the one upset? why become she angry?
and why is she angry in the first place?
she keep saying my bad pts to others de lor!
summore say in frnt of me?
can't she think more of my feelings?
and the worst thing is
i am NEVER allowed to hav my own emotions
or at least not supposed to express them at all with them arnd
haiz...
everytime i get irritated with their nagging
im not rly angry or wad just...u cant expect me to smile still rite
then they will scold me for getting 'angry'
they always lyk tt de
i cannot be upset wor?
i also hav sad times de ma and angry times la
they both got bad tempers de and SO DO I
but they can get angry whenever they wan and keep nag and scold
I CANNOT EVEN EXPRESS IT
LIFE IS TOTALLY UNFAIR
whr did the saying of making frens with ur children/parents come from?
they whole day use their authority of parents de~
T.T
then now hav to tolerate my mum's temper agn while i cannot
CANNOT (muz remind myself)
flare up
if not things will get worse
im always the one tolerating
why?? T.T haiz no choice la~
aiya dun wan say them le...
ytd went wedding dinner then it was special sia!!
b4 the waitors came in, they played 'accidentally in love'!!
then the waitors and waitresses hooked arms and 'danced' in!! so cool!!
lols it was cute and quite fun to see haha
then after that the bridesgroom had to read a 'love letter' to the bride!!! (sabo-ed by frens)
then he further sabo-ed by everyone and had to kneel down while reading haha
then after that the emcee tell us to keep clapping
while we clap, the couple gonna french kiss!
the longer we clap the longer they kiss! haha it was quite funny
they stopped b4 we did obviously coz cant not enuf breath haha
it was unique sia very special ^^
then the bride looked rly rly blessed and happy ytd
it make me rly...i dunno how to say
just tot abt myself haha =P (no laughing)
i was thinking will i ever be there one day
will anyone even lyk me lor...
lols a bit childish? lame? anyway no laughing
coz she looked rly happy so these just popped up ma =P
it was rl nice to see them get married!
the day will come to everyone rite? ^^
hehe long way to go~haha
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
comfortable..where?
We are supposed to be the most comfortable at home...rite?
Where we can speak what we think without having to care abt what impression it's gonna leave...am i rite?
Or..am i wrong?
lols dunno la~
but hor
i think that
at home is where im most uncomfortable in instead~~~~~
even if i juz lyk snifle my nose a bit then my dad will start worrying too much and ask me whether i got cold or sth...
i know he juz caring la~
but hor
when EVERYTIME u do that he also say that
won't u get irritated?
already told him not le still keep ask
then i hav to rmb not to do that in front of him next time
then everytime i tell my day or sth special to my dad/mum (usually mum)
then he/she (usually she) will only say those typical stuff
those ideal answers
i dun wanna hear them
coz sometimes is quite unhappy things
what she say nvr fail to make me feel worse...
i still rmb that time mye results not gd then my dad say i cannot get into jc lyk tt de la
I WAS REALLY SUPER ANGRY
and yea posted it on my blog~~~
i was not exactly angry...it's juz...rly upsetting?
i know he doesnt know much abt going into jc and stuff but still...dun hav to say tt...
then tt day first time since 5 yrs old they see me cry becoz of sth else other than being beaten by them
o ya...thrid time...
first 2 times was when i was below 8~
so many yrs le~~lols
at home i hav to keep my mouth shut more than outside
cannot say wrong things de...
but i dun tok they also not happy
now i got a habit of not answering them liao...and they angry le
no pt in answering them de lor
make my ears hear more noise~
at sku better...got frens
but sometimes get "dao-ed" then will emo lols
coz seriously no one tok to me~
no one bothers
T.T
Where we can speak what we think without having to care abt what impression it's gonna leave...am i rite?
Or..am i wrong?
lols dunno la~
but hor
i think that
at home is where im most uncomfortable in instead~~~~~
even if i juz lyk snifle my nose a bit then my dad will start worrying too much and ask me whether i got cold or sth...
i know he juz caring la~
but hor
when EVERYTIME u do that he also say that
won't u get irritated?
already told him not le still keep ask
then i hav to rmb not to do that in front of him next time
then everytime i tell my day or sth special to my dad/mum (usually mum)
then he/she (usually she) will only say those typical stuff
those ideal answers
i dun wanna hear them
coz sometimes is quite unhappy things
what she say nvr fail to make me feel worse...
i still rmb that time mye results not gd then my dad say i cannot get into jc lyk tt de la
I WAS REALLY SUPER ANGRY
and yea posted it on my blog~~~
i was not exactly angry...it's juz...rly upsetting?
i know he doesnt know much abt going into jc and stuff but still...dun hav to say tt...
then tt day first time since 5 yrs old they see me cry becoz of sth else other than being beaten by them
o ya...thrid time...
first 2 times was when i was below 8~
so many yrs le~~lols
at home i hav to keep my mouth shut more than outside
cannot say wrong things de...
but i dun tok they also not happy
now i got a habit of not answering them liao...and they angry le
no pt in answering them de lor
make my ears hear more noise~
at sku better...got frens
but sometimes get "dao-ed" then will emo lols
coz seriously no one tok to me~
no one bothers
T.T
Friday, August 29, 2008
anger
see la
anger management
worst eva
can nvr manage tt when i wif my dad
or simple...my parents
haiz
just got super angry wif my dad
and of coz...in turn, he also la~
wadeva
lyk i care
i feel myself becoming more and more lyk pai kia
when i wif my parents sia
so diff from when i wif my frens
seldom feel my anger at sku rite...frens reading this? (= nobody)
anyways i rly gotta learn that well sia
will i be able to manage that eva? if my dad doesnt change at all?
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT TOLERATE TOO CHILDISH PEOPLE
eg. my dad
haiz
he sure knows how to throw tantrums lyk A CHILD
more chldish than me, the child, most of the time
and i simply CANNOT tolerate that
is lyk wth
he's almos 60 and a male
and he's behaving lyk this
he see me play he will say 1-2 sentences and dun care me de
then he go COMPLAIN TO MY MUM
wth
that months ago
now ar he wont tell liao
now become
he wont say when he happy
once u make him angry (i dunno how i dunno why)
the he go tell-tale
that's such a childish act...
don't you think? haiz...
I seriously dunno wad to do wif him...nono
wad to do wif myself
i dun wan anything to do wif him sometimes
i can spot SO MUCH diff btw us...cant spot similarity much though
he my dad ar?
oh no going that direction agn
nono cannot
he is my dad
...cool down~~
juz wan relieve anger la...done and im...quite fine i suppose..........
o ya shuting family also not gd...sad
find her so poor thing sometimes
but she still so cheerful...sometimes
and crazy...many times =P
lols we very similar lor, shuting and me
our personalities
quite cool lols 2nd person that's similar to me
but she more similar than the 1st person =P haha
not lyk char...lols
we're very different
lols
main: she's too clever =.=
ok fine that's not a personality difference
and of coz im not blaming her and im not hating her or sth...
juz stating a fact
it's juz that im getting jealous
not over her results...no pt...
is coz
she and meixuan~
why gng so close now le
that day in class
i tok to her she didnt rly listen
then she turn to meixuan then i said sth agn
she turn over, no reply and turn back then she keep looking there =.=
i think she was juz dazing at somewhere but still...
im being quite unreasonable rite?
char prefers to be wif meixuan ma...nth to be jealous abt...rite? rite? rite?
haiz juz that
since last yr, my best fren wanted to be CHAR's best fren...
and i also wanted...
but char doesnt make BEST FRENS easily de...
gd frens super easy though...
then this yr come into this class ar
she's the only person i could tok to...not those seriousx10 talk but at least..
we can talk! and chat! and joke! and be lame!
she was the only fren
but she can make frens rly eaily...
i cant coz im juz...dunno
shy arnd new ppl? i always am although no one actually notices...
everyone sees me as high 'I' but i am SOOO NOT!
but i have to act lyk one in front of everyone...
but used to it le...did this since primary sku...wads so tough?
better than emo mode at home ma~
sianz
i told my online kor abt not being myself then he told me to
i mean to be myself la
but
now
i dun even know wad's the real me liao
how to be myself?
i guess im quite fine wif the me now ba?
i dun rly wan to find the rl me liao since i seriously dunno how to~~~~
who am i
wad am i
and where i come from~
i dunno~~~~
haiz
want tell shuting this blog leh but dunno should anot...
Should I?
Should I not?
anger management
worst eva
can nvr manage tt when i wif my dad
or simple...my parents
haiz
just got super angry wif my dad
and of coz...in turn, he also la~
wadeva
lyk i care
i feel myself becoming more and more lyk pai kia
when i wif my parents sia
so diff from when i wif my frens
seldom feel my anger at sku rite...frens reading this? (= nobody)
anyways i rly gotta learn that well sia
will i be able to manage that eva? if my dad doesnt change at all?
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT TOLERATE TOO CHILDISH PEOPLE
eg. my dad
haiz
he sure knows how to throw tantrums lyk A CHILD
more chldish than me, the child, most of the time
and i simply CANNOT tolerate that
is lyk wth
he's almos 60 and a male
and he's behaving lyk this
he see me play he will say 1-2 sentences and dun care me de
then he go COMPLAIN TO MY MUM
wth
that months ago
now ar he wont tell liao
now become
he wont say when he happy
once u make him angry (i dunno how i dunno why)
the he go tell-tale
that's such a childish act...
don't you think? haiz...
I seriously dunno wad to do wif him...nono
wad to do wif myself
i dun wan anything to do wif him sometimes
i can spot SO MUCH diff btw us...cant spot similarity much though
he my dad ar?
oh no going that direction agn
nono cannot
he is my dad
...cool down~~
juz wan relieve anger la...done and im...quite fine i suppose..........
o ya shuting family also not gd...sad
find her so poor thing sometimes
but she still so cheerful...sometimes
and crazy...many times =P
lols we very similar lor, shuting and me
our personalities
quite cool lols 2nd person that's similar to me
but she more similar than the 1st person =P haha
not lyk char...lols
we're very different
lols
main: she's too clever =.=
ok fine that's not a personality difference
and of coz im not blaming her and im not hating her or sth...
juz stating a fact
it's juz that im getting jealous
not over her results...no pt...
is coz
she and meixuan~
why gng so close now le
that day in class
i tok to her she didnt rly listen
then she turn to meixuan then i said sth agn
she turn over, no reply and turn back then she keep looking there =.=
i think she was juz dazing at somewhere but still...
im being quite unreasonable rite?
char prefers to be wif meixuan ma...nth to be jealous abt...rite? rite? rite?
haiz juz that
since last yr, my best fren wanted to be CHAR's best fren...
and i also wanted...
but char doesnt make BEST FRENS easily de...
gd frens super easy though...
then this yr come into this class ar
she's the only person i could tok to...not those seriousx10 talk but at least..
we can talk! and chat! and joke! and be lame!
she was the only fren
but she can make frens rly eaily...
i cant coz im juz...dunno
shy arnd new ppl? i always am although no one actually notices...
everyone sees me as high 'I' but i am SOOO NOT!
but i have to act lyk one in front of everyone...
but used to it le...did this since primary sku...wads so tough?
better than emo mode at home ma~
sianz
i told my online kor abt not being myself then he told me to
i mean to be myself la
but
now
i dun even know wad's the real me liao
how to be myself?
i guess im quite fine wif the me now ba?
i dun rly wan to find the rl me liao since i seriously dunno how to~~~~
who am i
wad am i
and where i come from~
i dunno~~~~
haiz
want tell shuting this blog leh but dunno should anot...
Should I?
Should I not?
Sunday, August 24, 2008
studystudystudy
Look at wizzy
Look at yuanxi
All so hardworking de...
YOU LEH
slack + slack + slack
summore u wan go on diet then REALLY GO ON ONE
dun say wan diet then still EAT SO MUCH WITHOUT EXERCISING TO GET RID OF CALORIES!!
haiz
SELF-CONTROL
SELF-DISCIPLINE
both dun hav...wad's wrong wif you sia
SELF-AWARENESS
u hav that rite
u do know wad u shld be doing and wad not
BUT UR NOT CHANGING
wth
haiz
i can't help it to on the com when no ones at home
or specifically when my mum not home...
howhowhow
next yr 'o' lvl le!!
JIAYOUUS CAN ANOT
so disappointing leh you.....horrible dummy
plz la...go study
haiz i bet i will be playing for another half an hr..
coz mum coming home in half hr......
i am the worst girl eva
kill me...someone
fine..no one reading this la...
Look at yuanxi
All so hardworking de...
YOU LEH
slack + slack + slack
summore u wan go on diet then REALLY GO ON ONE
dun say wan diet then still EAT SO MUCH WITHOUT EXERCISING TO GET RID OF CALORIES!!
haiz
SELF-CONTROL
SELF-DISCIPLINE
both dun hav...wad's wrong wif you sia
SELF-AWARENESS
u hav that rite
u do know wad u shld be doing and wad not
BUT UR NOT CHANGING
wth
haiz
i can't help it to on the com when no ones at home
or specifically when my mum not home...
howhowhow
next yr 'o' lvl le!!
JIAYOUUS CAN ANOT
so disappointing leh you.....horrible dummy
plz la...go study
haiz i bet i will be playing for another half an hr..
coz mum coming home in half hr......
i am the worst girl eva
kill me...someone
fine..no one reading this la...
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
This blog..
About my inner minds
About my troubles
About my feelings
About my thoughts
About my friends
About my family
About my life
About me... :)
From next post onwards...only important/significant/special/sad things will be posted
I will post wad I will not post on my public blog =D
coz no one's gonna read this...until i tell anyone abt this one day...
About my troubles
About my feelings
About my thoughts
About my friends
About my family
About my life
About me... :)
From next post onwards...only important/significant/special/sad things will be posted
I will post wad I will not post on my public blog =D
coz no one's gonna read this...until i tell anyone abt this one day...
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