tipsy turvy

what happened to me?
i feel like my world has turned upside down
tipsy turvy

actually probably nth much changed
some did but not that much i guess
but those changes...
haiz.
it's probably not too good...

aiyo.

whats this
im like going crazy...-.-
pre exam stress ar.
but i got a feeling
very strong premonition
that this is not the worst
post exam stress definitely worst.
esp when results come bk
sure 10000x worse.

i would scold myself
for disappointing everyone again.
haiz.
always like tt.
damn suck right.
i think so eh. damn suck.
haiz.
haiz.
haiz.

anyway just now dad come in
he say
you now dun listen to me le right
is it your friend teach one
i was like speechless?
wts?
...what u wan me say la
)*#%&*@^%*^#

失败。。。

都什么时候了。。。
我当然知道我得读书 不用一直告诉我
也不要一直说读不好会怎样
不要再给我压力了好不好 真的很烦
.........

是啊
该读书
我知道的
但是我读不进去阿
怎么办？我不知道。
一点动力也没有
完全没有心思
没有毅力
没有动力
怎么办？
怎么办？
怎么办？
我也很担心
可是好像越担心越不能好好读
一直不能专心
怎么办?
这次考试一定又会搞砸了
然后再痛哭一场
说要加油
一个星期后又懒散了
这样的循环要持续到什么时候啊？
该死。
好讨厌我自己。
i suck :(
懒人
烂人
差不多啦。

而且
有时候想读的时候
坐在那里
要怎么开始都不知道
大概懒散了太久
根本都忘了怎么读书了。。。
我根本不知道要从何开始
只好尽量了
这里读一点那里有读一点
乱七八糟的
最后到现在
根本没读多少
考试该怎么办？

真的觉得很挫败
读了十多年的书
现在竟然不知道怎么读了...
wan study also dunno HOWWW to study.
damn suck.
super fail.
how sia.
...

i must have proved wrong...
not worth time and effort anymore...
haiz...

oh and my parents can be MORE understanding.
really.
BEST parents award should give them.
haiz.

(EW)^1000000000000000

damn ugh sia
just now go kitchen refill bottle ma
then i felt sth soft soft under my feet
so i step away and look down
saw sth very tiny on the floor
it look like dirt of some black thing
couldn't tell what is was
so i squat down n see
IT'S A LIZARD
EWWWWW
EWWWWW
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw
damn ughhh can freaked out la
im not scared la but SO DISGUSTING
I STEPPED ON IT EH
BARE FOOT EWWWWWWWWWW
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW
my feet still feels tingly now after washing
damn disgusting la
it wasnt dead la i didnt squash it la
just felt sth soft below only ewewewewewewewew
heard my dad walking to kitchen so quckly ask him come see
tell him got lizard and i stepped on it-.-
but then lizard ran away liao
dad go take newspapers but lizard so small
ran away
also cant find liao
so i tiptoe into toilet wash feet haha
now still feeling damn ugh.

and btw
studying is the most fail mission ever.
haiz.
I REALLY CANNOT STUDY AT HOME LAAAAAAAAAAA
I THIS WHOLE HOLS TOTALLY WASTE ONE LORRR
haiz.
i seriously gotta stay sku study everyday after sku liao
after jcts i mean.
bo bian.
i give up studying at home.
WORST mission ever.

MISSION FAIL

guilt

haiz.
guilt in multiple folds...
in every area.
i don't know what happened
things seem to have changed so much this yr
particlarly my life, in a way.
not rly. hm.
im probably allowing myself to be more free than b4
but a bit too free...
in every sense.
haiz.
guilt guilt guilt.
and yet.
haiz.
not like i would change tt...

haiz

some stuff...
i just don't know HOW to say properly...
i don't want it to be received wrongly
but i really think high chance will be misintepreted.
how say leh? ;(