so many questions but no answers...

Yesterday emo ma
So didnt study chem at all la
Haiz sianz
Then today pe ar
Sarah ask if we studied I say no
She dun believe -.-
I say I didn't even touch the paper la sianz
Then well she wasn't facing me
But I think she made a face la
Coz shermaine was facing us then
she looked at Sarah with a weird expression
Then made a face.
Well they dun believe then dun believe lor wth...
I was in a bad enough mood la
They didn't have to make it worse.....

Other than that I was okay today
Well I was smiley enough...Normal
But sth just doesn't feel right
Dunno la just a little emo I guess
Though I was totally normal laughing and everything...weird
But it was fine la

Chem test was fine I guess
wasnt as bad as i expected at least...
I got a bad feeling though.
Well I should be able to pass
Wouldn't score THAT BADLY i guess
But then Sarah they all would probably start getting irritated at me
Accusing me of having mugged ytd
just like with maths...
Haiz wow I can predict the future eh?
Aiya not surprising la. Sianz.
Sometimes life just sux

I dun wan think so much also la but... :( habit le ba I guess.
Moody these few days been thinking more.
For nothing...

Then today supplier came
apparently our pullover is ready.
But we not enough money to pay sia
Coz some freaking annoying owe a lot of money
and just doesn't want to pay
And they are currently in Poland so can't help it.
I had to fork out 50 bucks leh wanshan forked out $10 too.
Wth la.
Haiz nvm I'll get the money back from them next week definitely.
No matter what. My patience has a limit...

Lunchtime I had to check all the accounts coz it doesn't tally.
We are sooo poor le short of a lot money dunno y.
Can't seem to find whr all the money went to
im not a good treasurer la :(
Haiz Elaine ask me go home then count so okay la
Whole lunchtime someone was being so super freaking annoying
as usual la...morning break she also damn annoying
Ok she's always like tt
Sometimes I dun care but today I guess I'm really in a bad mood?
I was pretty irritated
But i didn't say anything of coz. What can i say...

After lunch once we get up
I immediately go whisper to ying en
Say that person freaking annoying la
Then ying en agreed!! Quite enthusiastically summore haha
She couldn't tolerate her either.
Phew it's not just me after all.
It's quite comforting to know that it's not my problem
she's annoying to others too...

Then GP lesson ar...haiz sad
A lot of people not around sia
Then Cher ask
if we got representatives from each of the PW groups at least
ask us get into groups
Then I realised sth.
Pathetic.
My group only got me sia.
So I joined wanshan and ying en for gp coz their grp only them.
Gp was fine lor then PW...
Well they started discussing pw
So i had nothing to do.
I looked around...All the groups discussing pw....
Well my grp members not there I dun blame them but...
What I saw in the other groups was involvement...
Everyone was discussing...They gathered tgt head to head disussing...
I nvr saw it in my group...
My group was seldom full all coming together
and even if they tgt
They nvr showed that level of interest and involvement.
I wondered why...
do they rly want their A grade?
Or am I supposed to get it for them?
Why do they not care?!!!?!!

Maybe I've been doing too much for them
that they forgot that this is a group project
that is diffcult and needs everyone's help...
I was feeling more emo la lols...
Then after sku I went toilet that time saw ms ong...
Coz she met us ytd and told us about some stuff to find out
So just now she ask me if we had done our research
I said no then she say actually she did some research le!!!
I was surprised..
Even our own group members didn't bother.............
I didn't know what to say. Really.
I felt guilty. It was our project after all....
What's wrong with them...don't they feel guilty at all?
Why don't they help??
They can't wait for me for everything what they can volunteer....
argh that's impossible.
Then with new info given my ms ong
we have to rethink our gpp
so i asked them come on9 later.
zhenyan say she 9 then reach home
shermaine say she having class outside
zhekang say she will reach home very late
only susan say ok -.-
wth la
we out of time le leh.
so what???
since i so free so i should do it again ar?
they all got too much commitment la
i feel suay -.-
y our group so not productive
compared to the other groups?!?!?!?!
im such a lousy leader man.
i rmb months ago
wanshan say she envy me n elaine
coz we can lead.
she's wrong apparently.
i cant lead.
im a better follower...

Anyway I was really upset.
I dunno exactly why I so emo today
Maybe pms haha coz I rly dunno y
Then went toilet ar I cried a bit there la
couldnt take it la must be crazy le...
Lols lucky no one realised....
What's wrong with me man keep want cry recently -.-
sot le la..
I till now still can't control my tear glands sia haha...haiz.
Cry at everything la literally
Morning got once i was laughing suddenly a bit teary
so irritating so abnormal...

Then went Leo and damn bored
Sit there listen to them talk only
I nodded off la of coz lols
They talk finish supposed to have games de
in the end cancelledThen dismissed lols
waste my time....
But coz I didn't think much le
And I talked to char too
so I felt better haha ((:
Hopefully this random emoness will pass soon...
it's so abnormal....

Sometimes I feel like a weirdo.
No one understands me truly not even myself...
I have different thinking from most people
and it seems more obvious now in my current clique lols...
It's difficult to communicate with others
coz I'm like on different wavelength as them like tt la...
Sianz de leh.
I dun understand them la
I feel like I just dunno why they behave a certain way sometimes...
Though I feel like a weirdo
I dun feel...wrong.
At least I have similar thinking to mr ang hahha :P
Whatever la I'm sure there will be people who understands me...
But before they appear...I'll survive alone.
I can do that. It's easy.
Been doing that for so long le after all...

to me, happiness is THE key.
i rather just lead a simple life and be HAPPY!
but my parents only know how to talk about $$
to them MONEY IS THE KEY -.-
haiz. different wavelength totally
sure diff communicate de la...
but without happiness
nothing matter anymore!
with so much money and a miserable life
life has no point. what a waste.
life comes n go. only one chance.
why waste it on $$$!!
haiyo...what's wrong with the world man.
reality is cruel.
we cant survive without money
but we dun need THAT much $$ either
i just want sufficient to survive and
a bit more for occasional splurging
i dun wanna be some super rich person.
my parents think otherwise.
but nvm it doesnt matter.

even if i become the top scholar one day
i wouldnt be happy if im alone.
it's sad to be too high up on top
with no one around u. no one supporting u
no one feeling happy for u.
alone.
i dun want that.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

HAPPINESS IS THE KEY!!!
money comes from you, from the society, from the gvt
happiness comes from the heart...
from care and love and concern from others
things that give u warmth
brightens up ur day no matter how dark it had been
that's what is important.....isn't it?
or am i wrong?

为什么世界要这么复杂？
为什么人心那么难捉摸？haiz.
i dunno what i live for.
i dunno what we live for.
we enter this world
innocent and pure.
ignorant even.
but at that time
our needs our wants are so simple
we were easily satisfied
we were easily happy
we were easily entertained.
as we grow up
we see more reality of life
we study study study and still study
for what?
with the aim to earn big bucks next time?
what's the point?

even if we really start earning big bucks
life stil goes on as usual
this is the same even if we DONT earn big bucks.
and then we get old
we get sick
then we die.
then it's the cycle again for the next generation.
what's the point?
i cant figure that out
since long time ago
i keep thinking about this
what do we live for?
if we are going to die anyway
why do we live?
what should be the ultimate goal in life?
what should we do to make this short
and somewhat pointless life worthwhile?
leave a part of us in someone else's heart
even if one day we leave...
is there a right answer to everything?
why can't we live life just as we want to?
why are there so much rules
useless ones...
laws have to be there. there's reason
but more freedom will be greatly appreciated
esp from parents
who should TRY to understand things from our views...

some ppl just dun understand
the world doesn't revolve around them lor...
why can they be so oblivious to everything else
other than themselves??
im sensitive to that coz i see too much
i dun like being oblivious
i like to observe ppl
understand ppl.
leading to me accomodating to them very often.
is that a bad thing?
maybe....
so many questions i have.
all without an answer...