Deepest pit...

I know you think I'm wrong.
I know you think I am making a horrible choice.
I know you think I'm making excuses.
I know you think I'm selfish.

But you're not me. You're not in this situation.
You're not the one who's going to face everything.
It's easy to think, it's obvious to think that way.
I would too, if I were you.
But being in the situation itself...everything is different.
It's not easy to think from someone else's shoes,
especially in such situations.
And I don't blame you.
I am still really thankful for your help and your concern,
and sorry for adding to your stress and burdens in your life.
Forgive me for making this choice, but I don't have another choice.

It's something painful for me too...
That day, I cried so hard but somehow I got over it the next day.
Maybe I decided not to think about it anymore
since I have made my choice, and the other choice is not possible.
Maybe I was in denial.
But whatever it was, I got over it and was fine till today.
Till you talked to me about it...

Just now, I cried so hard in the office><
Luckily, my boss was out and he did not return to the office=/
Haiz, I know this decision is not right...
but it's the only thing I can do.

Thinking from all aspects,
I have to balance several things you know.
Some things are for LIFE.
It's not something you decide now and just get over it.
It's something you CAN'T get over.
So, I really cannot just think like you do...

And my parents are weighed pretty heavily in that decision.
I owe them too much...
I can't do this to them=/

I don't know if you will ever understand how I feel
or why I made this decision
or ever support me for it...
Since I know you will never be in the same situation as me.
You're not as dumb:)
But no matter what, thank you very much.
And I just hope you don't think too much too and get over it
Just...support me alright? Please?
That's all I need now...

And I really do feel very horrible about making the decision.
But as I said...I don't have another choice.
Try to understand that, yea?